Like Dieting Advice from Denny Hastert
Or hair care tips from Kim Jong Il. Like legal advice from Alberto Gonzales. No, wait, like blogging tips from Ann Althouse, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you, Dating Advice from the Smokin’ Hot Babes of Conservative Blogging.
I know. You almost don’t want to read it, because then it’ll be inside your brain. Clicking some hyperlinks is like realizing just an instant too late that you’re swallowing a bad oyster. And you can’t stick your finger down your brain’s throat. Your mind may scream, “Eject! Eject! Eject!” but what has been read cannot be unread.
Don’t worry. I’m here. Hold my tiny forelimb. I’ll protect you.
First up, the, ah, buxom and only slightly alcohol flushed Cassy Fiano, who looks, um, delightful there in her turquoise Old Navy top. What hath Cassy to allow on the topic of courtship’s many hallowed mysteries?
I tend not to date liberals, for a reason. Politics is so important to what I do and I follow it so much. I can’t respect a guy who’s liberal all that much because it makes me question his intelligence. So, that’s a big minus because I’m thinking how smart can this guy be if he thinks John Kerry is a great politician? (Laughs) If he thinks Barack Obama would be a great President, I think, gee, how bright could this guy be?
Anything else?
They don’t have the manners that conservatives do.
Oh, dude, this is like those “I’m so sick of dating liberal guys!” t-shirts you see for sale on, like, Pajamas Media sites. This chick probably dated one pimply Deadhead while she was doing her undergraduate work at Tallapoosa State University in Gonorrhea Holler, Kentucky and that has informed her opinion of liberal men for all eternity.
And, of course, so many liberals I know chew with their mouths open when speaking to heads of state and paw at the shoulders of strange women.
Next? Karol Sheinin who imparts the following delightful tidbit:
Some of the guys I have dated started out liberal, but they didn’t stay that way.
You convert them, huh?
Yeah, pretty much. It’s a slow process, but not impossible and I’ve done it.
Ah, Karol, dear, let me explain something to you. Those boys were no different from the day you met them. They just figured out that you’d put out when they said things like, “Oh, my god, Karol, you’re right! It’s Liberals that are the real fascists!” Then they went home and watched the Daily Show with their buds and bragged about how you let them fuck your titties if they said that poor people should be sterilized so they can’t have babies to stay on welfare.
Let’s skip down to Sharon Soon:
Tell me the worst dating story of your life.
I went to dinner with a boyfriend and we were just hanging out in the parking lot on a random Sunday night and we ended up getting into a fight and he had this policy of not leaving until we settled it. So, he didn’t want to let me out of the car until we settled this fight.
We were fighting for like another 2 hours. …We were sitting in the car and I left my car on and when I realized it was going to be a while, I turned my car off. I didn’t realize that my lights were on. My car was parked 3 houses away from my house because I lived with my mother and she had this tendency to look out the window and spy on me. So, two hours later, my car wouldn’t start and it was stuck a block in front of my house.
It was a disaster. We needed to jump the car with jumper cables, but I couldn’t go in my house and get them. My boyfriend decided we would drive back to his house, which was half an hour away, to get the jumper cables. So, we drove, and couldn’t find the jumper cables. So, we called AAA and were on hold for a while by that point and then AAA hung up on us. We were so tired we slept in the car for a little while. We kept trying to call AAA back, we got them back, and they said they’d be there in 15 minutes. But, we tried the car again and I guess, because it had been 3 or 4 hours, the battery has juiced back up and the car started fine. So, at like 4:30 in the morning, I was able to get my car in the driveway where it belonged and I could go home.
She neglects to mention that this was her only dating experience. And doesn’t she sound like an excruciatingly high-maintenance nightmare of a person? She doesn’t date liberal guys because they’re not so desperate for pussy that they’ll sit in a car and get screamed at for hours and then not just bail and drive away when her car (of course) won’t start.
Next is the coquettish and alluring Michelle Oddis who says:
Have you dated liberals before? If so, any difference you can tell between liberal and conservative guys?
Yeah, in the past year, I think I’ve dated one or two of them. There is usually an issue there with religion, which is kind of frustrating, because you’re not necessarily going to go out on one or two dates with someone and think that you’re going to marry them. But, with long term goals, how you’re going to raise your kids, whether you’re going to bring them to church or not, you wonder if that person is going to show the same values — there tends to be a difference there with liberal guys.
“And, like, liberal guys? They want to know, like, why you believe something. They don’t understand that sometimes I just don’t care about the facts and I don’t want to hear them. LA LA LA LA LA!! I try to tell em that’s what I believe, cos that’s how I was raised and they say things like, “Well, maybe you were raised wrong!” And you know, that’s just, like, disrespectful.”
I can’t go on. I just can’t.
My only burning question at this point is why the guy (and of course it’s a guy) who wrote this article is even more obsessed with Liberal cock than I am. “Ewwww. You’ve had sex with a liberal? What’s it like?”
Well, I certainly wish these young women luck, trying to bump uglies and bring forth some issue with stone foxes like Fred Kagan, Dafydd ab Hugh, and Jeff “Three Feet High and Rising” Godlstein. I can’t imagine that this is going to end well for them.
60 Responses to “Like Dieting Advice from Denny Hastert”
By msmolly on Apr 2, 2008 10:47 am |
Who is the babe in the photo with the Band-aid on her chin? Sorta epitomizes the Christian Right for me. A true values voter.
Ewwww.
By Mally on Apr 2, 2008 10:49 am |
Hiya, TRex! New poster here, though I’ve been loving the theropod huff and puff for quite some time.
I love the way most of these ladies are also conservative with their use of clothing. Don’t get too liberal there with the fabric. Musn’t suffocate the Girlz!
By Ezekiel 25 17 on Apr 2, 2008 11:23 am |
What does it tell you that Michelle Odis went on a date with a liberal guy to an out of state wedding and he dumps her for the photographer? She’s not bad looking, so it must have been listening to her spew about Reagan the whole way there that made him beg or pay the photographer to save him.
By burnspbesq on Apr 2, 2008 11:25 am |
I have a lot of work to do today. I don’t need those images slowing me down. I’ll look at this tonight. Maybe.
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 11:46 am |
Good morning all. Here’s some dating advice — never date someone who spews ANYTHING at you throughout the date.
By Bil on Apr 2, 2008 12:07 pm |
msmolly said
That bandaid or whatever it is was something offensive, glad I have forgotten it, I am sure someone here will remember it?
FYI Denny Hastert is skinny now. He is STARVING!
He hitched his wagon to Willard Romney’s boat and said some nasty true things about McCrazy. THAT after deserting his IL14 congressional seat early to lobby with his two lobbyist sons, who now also probably can’t get work. The Special election cost his district $2 million and elected a FIRST TIME Democrat!
NICE hand off Denny, so much for any legacy beyond being Tom DeLay’s puppet in the most corrupt Republican Administration of all time. Oh, let’s not forget his “administration” of the Foley Page scandal. He wound up paying $147,000 out of his (the people’s) CAMPAIGN funds to defend himself on that Family Value Issue.
And was promptly fined $1000 BY THE FEC!
(take it away punaise ;~)
Karma is always followed by it’s fruit (or lack of fruit in Denny’s case)
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 12:10 pm |
Pretty sure that pic is from the 04 repiglican convention and the bandaid represented Kerry’s purple hearts.
By punaise on Apr 2, 2008 12:54 pm |
welcome, Mally!
By peanutbutter on Apr 2, 2008 12:55 pm |
True, true, but I gotta say, there’s a few good ones in there. It’s just that they’re things I associate with republican guys:
Eg:
Any kind of cockiness…the guys that come up to you and just think that they’re hot sh*t and that you’re lucky to have them grace you with their presence. That’s annoying….
Can’t disagree with this either:
I think any first date where you’re not having a conversation, like movies, are a terrible idea for a first date — as is any kind of play or show where you are both focused on something else.
Or this:
I am always forewarned when guys come off as too overconfident. That’s really telling. Because it’s more about them than other people and they’re trying too hard to impress.
On the other hand, I never meet guys like this! They get upset that I don’t want to talk on the phone
Men don’t use the phone any more. They don’t call. They instant message, they e-mail, whatever, but there’s something to be said for meeting a guy and having him call you. They rely on the easy way.
I actually was more impressed than I thought I would be by this. Excluding the specifically partisan stuff, turns out conservative women like respect, too!
Of course, that begs the question of how they ever find it among conservative men /s…
By EvilDrPuma on Apr 2, 2008 12:55 pm |
“They don’t have the manners that conservatives do.”
That’s true. Never marry a man who doesn’t say “thank you” when dumping your sick or disabled ass for his younger, richer girlfriend.
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 12:58 pm |
EvilDrPuma said
Now why didn’t you tell me that 20 yrs ago?!?!
By e on Apr 2, 2008 1:01 pm |
EvilDrPuma said
good one, EDP.
By TJ on Apr 2, 2008 1:01 pm |
EvilDrPuma said
I should not have been drinking when I read that! Thank heaven I didn’t short the laptop out, lol.
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 1:16 pm |
Who do you suppose is on THIS list?
McCain compiling list of possible running mates
from HoustonChronicle.com — Politics
Sen. John McCain said today he has begun “getting together a list of names” to choose a vice presidential running mate, and hopes to make an announcement before the Republican convention in early September.
By EvilDrPuma on Apr 2, 2008 1:18 pm |
Betsy said
Joe Fucking Lieberman, I’ll wager.
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 1:20 pm |
EvilDrPuma said
Cool. We can make fun of his middle name like the repubs make fun of Obama’s.
By newdealfarmgrrrlll on Apr 2, 2008 1:33 pm |
spew! *ndfg cleans monitor after coughing out her coffee*
sadly, my extremely attractive young neice, whose computer i am using (im gonna clear the history) declared to me last night that she is an extremely conservative Republican. I love her dearly but … at least i can have a civil conversation with her.
I wonder how the young, erm, ladies, define intelligence? Because the only conservative men i know with IQ’s in the triple digit range are such greedy, self-centered arrogant bastards that any woman with any degree of self-esteem won’t let ‘em within dating range. Umm, come to think of it, most of the women i know who are married to conservatives have verrrrry low self extreme. Or are such mean-spirited grasping little gold-diggers that ya gotta think that conservatives deserve each other.
Sigh. I love my family, but this might be an interesting vacation.
By e on Apr 2, 2008 1:36 pm |
EvilDrPuma said
Is it even possible that that much hypocrisy, self-interest, belligerence, callousness, opportunism, and incompetence –not to mention ugliness both audio and visual — could be contained on the same political ticket??
I mean — wouldn’t it cause some sort of cataclysmic disruption of the physical universe?
By EvilDrPuma on Apr 2, 2008 1:41 pm |
e said
Sadly, yes, it can. See also: Bush/Cheney.
e said
Do they care if it does?
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 2:06 pm |
ndfg, you planning to try to help the young lady see the error of her ways?
By punaise on Apr 2, 2008 2:13 pm |
gee, “thanks” for the Alanis Morissette ear worm, TRex!
By newdealfarmgrrrlll on Apr 2, 2008 2:19 pm |
Betsy said
sigh. i don’t think it’s gonna happen unless she, her mom and her dad all go into chemical dependency treatment together. She used to be more of a dem type, but as the family alcoholism spins out of control, she gets more conservative. Conservatives want CONTROL yanno, and my neice, as with other conservatives i know, clings to conservatism as a desperate measure to control something, anything in their crazy lives. So i just love them unconditionally, don’t hook into the bull-shit games, and encourage healing.
By e on Apr 2, 2008 2:19 pm |
“Do they care if it does?”
Well, you can’t run a presidential campaign in the midst of a universal cataclysm. We’d all be floating around in space or something.
By peanutbutter on Apr 2, 2008 2:30 pm |
Red-faced Clinton tirade stuns superdelegates behind closed doors
By Grandjester on Apr 2, 2008 2:45 pm |
Betsy said
Is it OK to spew on you at the end of the evening? Cause, if I’m paying for the Surf and Turf and a coupla bottles of fine, twist cap wine, I’d like to know.
By preznit giv me turkee on Apr 2, 2008 3:05 pm |
But, we tried the car again and I guess, because it had been 3 or 4 hours, the battery has juiced back up and the car started fine. So, at like 4:30 in the morning, I was able to get my car in the driveway where it belonged and I could go home.
if I were her car battery I’d recharge myself just to get her to STFU, too
By newdealfarmgrrrlll on Apr 2, 2008 3:17 pm |
just read a post at downwithtyranny about McLame reviving military draft … this if anything might start to convert my conservative young niece. This time around, i think women will be included. And i don’t think her conservative red-neck-bubba daddy from Arkansas would be too happy about his Little Princess being drafted.
(sorry about no linkie but am still cussing my way thru adjustment to touchpad on a laptop)
By e on Apr 2, 2008 3:30 pm |
peanutbutter said
holy sh*t.
Yeah, we REALLY need this dude back in the White House.
By isit2009yet on Apr 2, 2008 3:36 pm |
Mally said
Hi Mally,
I’m pretty new here myself. Great bunch of people here from what I’ve seen. Welcome.
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 4:19 pm |
Grandjester said
You’re paying for all that on a date with someone else!
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 4:22 pm |
WAY OT — I need these!
Diet Sunglasses Reduce Your Appetite
By peanutbutter on Apr 2, 2008 4:44 pm |
e said
This has been all over the California political blogs. I suspect CA’s superdelegates may not be going for Clinton so much now…
By punaise on Apr 2, 2008 4:44 pm |
Betsy said
I think it’s a mis-print - they make one look less appetizing.
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 4:49 pm |
Do blind people tend to be thinner than sighted people?
By madmommy on Apr 2, 2008 5:05 pm |
Afternoon everyone!
This picture just pisses me off all over again. Yes, it is from the GOP Convention, when the attendees mocked the Purple Heart given to John Kerry. Imagine the howls of fury if any Democrat had dared to show their face in public like this with a fake Purple Heart. They likely would have been arrested and charged with treason. Once again, IOKIYAR. Plus, this cow has got some really ill-fitting dentures.
Thanks again, T for going where mere mortals fear to tread, and reporting back for us all. On the flip side, I’ve dated a conservative man once or twice. There were no second dates, mostly due to their shitty attitudes towards women. Did. Not. Want.
Betsy, those glasses are fugly, but I don’t think they’d be that much of a deterrent for me. The food’s still gonna smell good, and that is all it would take for me
By HumboldtBlue on Apr 2, 2008 5:50 pm |
I can state openly and honestly that I have never dated a conservative man, nor a liberal one for that matter, and I’m sticking with that plan.
It’s worked so far, plus, men have cooties.
By Nix on Apr 2, 2008 7:41 pm |
The last pic on that page! Yes the one that is cross-eyed! BOW-WOW BABY!! OMG THAT CRAP IS TO FUNNY! I would say that someone should call the pound there are howlers roaming the streets looking to mate!! BWHAAAHAAAA!!!
By Kevin Hayden on Apr 2, 2008 7:49 pm |
I believe those airhead interviews were authorized by John Yoo, as afterward, I wanted to waterboard myself to clean out my brain and avoid telling my sad tale of the conservative gal I dated at 18.
Nobody should ever have to endure that anecdote about a roomful of people asking “Who farted?” because of a little fingerdip.
But my siblings won’t ever let that legendary tale go.
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 8:08 pm |
Good evening all
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 8:11 pm |
y’all want some weird news and blog headlines?
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 8:21 pm |
Veterans Administration does not yet offer counseling to sexual assault survivors. How is that possible?
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 8:26 pm |
Karl Rove, former Deputy White House Chief of Staff, says he’s always been intimidated by First Lady Laura Bush and that he has “lived in fear” of erstwhile First Lady Barbara Bush for 37 years.
By madmommy on Apr 2, 2008 8:44 pm |
Betsy said
Not quite sure what is so intimidating about Laura, but Babs scares the crap out of me. And has for a long, long time.
By Persiflage on Apr 2, 2008 9:01 pm |
madmommy said
Much as I’m loath to summon the image of Laura and Dear Leader engaged in the horizontal tango, I’m guessing that she whispers advice in his ear.
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 9:29 pm |
Hey Persi. How’s tomorrow looking?
By madmommy on Apr 2, 2008 9:29 pm |
Persi-and here I was thinking she just lays there like a cold fish.
And now I must pour a gallon of brain bleach into my ear in the hopes of removing that image forever from my synapses.
By Persiflage on Apr 2, 2008 9:42 pm |
Betsy, your tomorrow isn’t too bad, a bit chilly. Hope your tomorrow is a bit better than my today. Gemma the Cat died suddenly last night. I think I’m still in shock.
Madmommy - I’m sure Laura gives Mr Silly advice, how else would he get out of bed and dressed in the morning without some prompting?
By madmommy on Apr 2, 2008 10:02 pm |
Persi-so sorry about teh kitteh! It’s never a pleasant experience, but even worse when unexpected. (((persi))))
you may be right about the advice. Sometimes I think that prompter he wore in the debates a few years ago was really just a recorded reminder: breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out…
By Betsy on Apr 2, 2008 10:11 pm |
So sorry about the Cat Persi.
By Persiflage on Apr 2, 2008 10:14 pm |
Thanks madmommy, at least it happened quickly, she didn’t suffer a lot.
As for Laura’s whispering in his ear, do you think the whole war in Iraq happened when he misheard Laura’s excited cry “Invade me, baby, and I’ll invade you back”
“Invade Iraq? Now there’s a darn good idea, yer soo smart Laura.”
By Persiflage on Apr 2, 2008 10:15 pm |
Thanks Betsy. On a brighter note, are the injections working?
By LoudounLib on Apr 2, 2008 10:33 pm |
((( Persi ))) Oh I am so sorry to read about Gemma…much love to you, and to Sam…
By e on Apr 2, 2008 10:33 pm |
Persi, so sorry about Gemma. She was a beautiful kitty.
If I ever get to ask God a few questions, they will include:
NINE months of pregnancy?? What are You, some kinda sadist?
and
Why do Your most blessed creatures always have to break our hearts?
By madmommy on Apr 2, 2008 10:36 pm |
Yes, Betsy, please change the subject and tell us how the injections are doing for you. I am dangerously low on brain bleach
But what the hell, anybody seen the latest darkblack image? It’s not blinding, just a teensy bit disturbing.
By madmommy on Apr 2, 2008 10:38 pm |
e-add it up, it’s really 10 months.
The things we love the most always break our hearts, but we love them anyway.
By TRex on Apr 2, 2008 10:43 pm |
Fresh thread:
http://www.iamtrex.com/?p=606
By Persiflage on Apr 2, 2008 10:46 pm |
LL and e. Thanks for your kind thoughts. Sam is acting as if nothing happened. At one point, after she died, she was lying on the floor and Sam just wandered past as if she’d never existed. I remind myself that he’s a cat and they never were close friends anyway. I think he’s still to realise that we’re now a one-cat family and he’s it.
By LoudounLib on Apr 2, 2008 11:01 pm |
Persi, I didn’t realize that Sam and Gemma weren’t all that cozy; perhaps then he’ll ease himself into the role of alpha cat in the house (if he wasn’t already there).
As e said, Gemma was such a pretty girl — and my heart goes out to you and Mr Persi…
By Persiflage on Apr 2, 2008 11:11 pm |
LL, Sam always has been alpha, apart from when confronted by the presence of a foreign cat at which point he hides under the table. He was always a bit of a bully to Gemma. Much as I’ve tried, you just can’t teach a cat good manners.
By Bil on Apr 2, 2008 11:37 pm |
Gone, and NOT forgotten.