MalKKKin “Sings”!
“Is it a person or a thing when Freddy sings?” (E.M. Forster, A Room With a View)
Oh, this hurts.
So, here it is, Monday, and after a delicious weekend of rest, food, movies, and the company of a dear friend, I turn my attention back to the Intertoobz and discover that while I was away I missed the blogging equivalent of the Chernobyl disaster. Michelle Malkin has written and recorded a “song”.
It’s intended, I guess, as a response to the Will.I.Am/Obama video and its target is Hillary and it’s supposed to be funny, I guess. No, no, funny-ha-ha. At least, I think it is. I have posted the YouTube above even though I couldn’t get through the whole thing without starting to retch uncontrollably. They should market Michelle’s musical stylings as an alternative to Ipecac syrup, seriously.
She’s named her “band” the Ventilators (geddit? Hot Air’s “The Vent”? Ha ha, yeah, it’s lame), ignoring the fact that there’s an actual group of musicians out there operating under that name. They should fucking sue.
We already knew that she can’t jump, act, interview, demagogue, and do satire.
Yes, yes, but is that any reason to go and do something like this? By squeezing a piece of musical excrement like this out into the world, I feel fairly certain that La MalKKKin is in violation of international codes governing the disposal and handling of toxic waste, and probably a few of the Geneva Conventions as well.
I confess, I was a little scared to listen to the song when I saw the post at TBogg’s place. I mean, it would really suck if she turned out to have been hiding a genuinely beautiful singing voice under all that crazy. I would have had to completely revise my view of her. Fortunately, this is not the case. At. All.
Whew!
No, actually, this latest salvo from her basement media workshop (The track sounds like it was recorded on her daughter’s pink plastic Hello Kitty boom-box) actually has me contemplating that perhaps we should start lobbying Pox News to take her back into the fold. Too much time at home has resulted in her reaching the creative equivalent of the Siege of Sancerre, where French townspeople were forced by a military blockade to catch and eat the city’s rats rather than starve to death.
Sadly, the band of Rightarded zombies who read and enable her are probably going to think she did an awesome job and urge her to record an entire album. And that would hurt like a bad hangover.
Listen, Michelle, you sad, pathetic shrew, leave comedy and music to professionals like me and other creative people on the Left. We own you guys on this stuff. Conservatives are just not creative people. You people spend your lives like baby birds; heads back, mouths gaping, passively awaiting the next set of talking points and marching orders from your corporate and political masters. This is not how art is made, even satirical art. To create something moving, or funny, or even engagingly nasty (a specialty of my own) requires a certain amount of soul, of individuality, of spark.
And that’s something that’s just beyond your ken. You are a fabulously uninspired thinker, an automaton, a one-note reactionary. Powerful people tell you what to do and you do it. It’s when you venture out on your own and attempt to color outside the lines that you run aground, as with your decision to stalk and harass various people on the Left including the Frost family, college administrator Denice Denton, and groups of student activists who oppose the war.
Or, god forbid, when you decide to sing. Just, whatever you end up doing with yourself, don’t do that anymore. For America. For the children. That’s just crossing the line and being needlessly cruel and hateful to everyone in America, Conservative and Liberal alike.
Thanks for your prompt attention in this matter.
88 Responses to “MalKKKin “Sings”!”
By Sharonlee on Feb 18, 2008 11:18 pm |
TRex, I only made it to 1.22 before my ears started to bleed.
Welcome back. Note that e cleaned the Treehouse and played nice.
By madmommy on Feb 18, 2008 11:19 pm |
Not. going. to. click. You can’t make me! I don’t have many functioning brain cells left, and I need them! It’s possible that the anticipation of the horribleness that is MM singing is worse than the actual event, but I am just not willing to take that chance.
I do admire the fortitude that allowed you to actually listen to the spewings of La Malkin, even if you couldn’t make it all the way through.
By Sharonlee on Feb 18, 2008 11:21 pm |
madmommy said
Don’t ever click this. Your children need their mother.
By TRex on Feb 18, 2008 11:21 pm |
madmommy said
I went back and finished it just to make sure it didn’t turn suddenly and unexpectedly good.
It didn’t.
By newdealfarmgrrrlll on Feb 18, 2008 11:22 pm |
GAWD! I bailed after half a dozen words or so. The whole thing would probably be much more effective than ipecac and i don’t wish to subject my stomach, my nerves, my ears, or my eyes to more of her, um, well, projectile vomiting is what comes to mind.
T, you’re a brave Theropod.
By TRex on Feb 18, 2008 11:24 pm |
newdealfarmgrrrlll said
That’s why I make the big bucks.
HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!!
[/sarcasm]
By madmommy on Feb 18, 2008 11:25 pm |
Sharonlee-yes! For heaven’s sake won’t someone think of the children? Speaking of which, Malkin has actually spawned. Those poor kids, there aren’t enough therapists in all the world…
By Persiflage on Feb 18, 2008 11:26 pm |
At last, I’ve found someone with a worse singing voice than mine. Thank you, thank you, thank you Michelle, my self-esteem has improved dramatically.
By newdealfarmgrrrlll on Feb 18, 2008 11:27 pm |
madmommy said
ha. That’s what i thought. The event is much worse than the anticipation. Exactly the same as anticipating vomiting, and then actually doing it. Blergh! *ndfg does cat-like swipes at her ears* Feh!
By madmommy on Feb 18, 2008 11:28 pm |
ndfg-that’s why I am not clicking.
By darkblack on Feb 18, 2008 11:29 pm |
Jeezuz hopscotchin’ kee-rist, her voice is flatter than piss on a platter…Get the f*ck off the stage, tuneless.
By TRex on Feb 18, 2008 11:30 pm |
darkblack said
Hey, db! The kids were looking for you on a previous thread. Did they manage to track you down?
By darkblack on Feb 18, 2008 11:31 pm |
What’d I do now?
;>)
By TRex on Feb 18, 2008 11:35 pm |
darkblack said
I think they wanted to commission a work.
By Betsy on Feb 18, 2008 11:36 pm |
Howdy T, how are you?
Evening Trexicans.
By Sharonlee on Feb 18, 2008 11:39 pm |
TRex said
There should be an e-mail in your box. But it may be too late now.
By TRex on Feb 18, 2008 11:39 pm |
Betsy said
Fine. Gradually re-entering reality. Grumble.
By Betsy on Feb 18, 2008 11:41 pm |
TRex said
have a good time with your guest?
By burnspbesq on Feb 18, 2008 11:43 pm |
No way am I clicking on that right now.
I am really enjoying listening to “Field Manual,” the new solo album by Chris Walla of Death Cab for Cutie. I am SO NOT blowing the mood. Sorry, Michelle, I just don’t dig you that much.
By TRex on Feb 18, 2008 11:51 pm |
have a good time with your guest?
Yes, lovely. I think Juan Carlos and Gussy enjoyed having another two-legged creature around to scratch their ears and give them kisses even more than I enjoyed his company. They’re not going to be happy when they figure out that he’s not going to be around tonight.
By TRex on Feb 18, 2008 11:56 pm |
You know, I thought maybe it was a good thing that Kosovo has declared independence, but the more Gee Dubya goes on about what a great thing it is, the more doubts I am beginning to have.
By Sharonlee on Feb 19, 2008 12:01 am |
TRex said
from a trite saying “Even a broken clock is right two times a day”
By TRex on Feb 19, 2008 12:05 am |
Heading home, kids.
See you in a bit.
By Nate on Feb 19, 2008 12:07 am |
Long time no chat all… I see you’re cruel as ever TRex. Subjecting your loyal readers to such things is just plain mean dude!
By Betsy on Feb 19, 2008 12:07 am |
hi Nate.
By madmommy on Feb 19, 2008 12:09 am |
Time for bed, chaperoning a field trip tomorrow-w00t!
By punaise on Feb 19, 2008 12:09 am |
punaise said
By punaise on Feb 19, 2008 12:10 am |
hey there, Nate
By Persiflage on Feb 19, 2008 12:10 am |
Guy Rundle on Kosovo independence
-
“Thank god for the Serbians”. Rancher Juan Jimenez was ecstatic, standing with hundreds in the main square of El Paso, the tiny capital of South Texas, which today declared its independence from the United States. Originally part of Mexico, and with a forty per cent Hispanic population, majority use of Spanish and distinct historical and cultural traditions much closer to Mexico than anything north of the former US-Mexico border, people like Juan have long sought to assert their independence. Washington had other ideas, insisting that the Hispanic South Texans continue to speak an alien language, and live under the rule of a people they have been at war with more than once.
But they reckoned without Serbia. This stalwart part of the new Europe wasn’t having any nonsense about “national sovereignty” or a “purely internal US affair”. It warned the US in no uncertain terms that if it continued to interfere with the rights of the South Texicans-Mexicans to break off at any time and place they chose, it would unleash thousands of Serbian irregulars from fighting towns such as Pyrpkvyrk, Blbgblyg and Vrp across the border, the mere reporting of whose names would lead to such a critical vowel shortage in the US that the very language itself would collapse. Emboldened, the South Texans, who have subsisted on little but hope and foreign military forces, declared their immediate autonomy as a proud and utterly uneconomic separate country, living on nothing but their dreams and billions in Serbian and Russian subsidies.
“The South Texans are now free to determine their own destinies for themselves” said General Chypschott, part of the Yugoslav Interim Control and Emancipation Squad (YIKES), overseeing Mexican-American affairs in the region.
“Unless someone else wants to secede from them, at which point the whole process begins again. But really all we’re doing is establishing an utterly dependent client pseudo-state in the heart of American territory. It’s really nothing to worry about.”
No? Not credible? I can’t think of much else that would bring home the full craziness to Americans of their involvement in the messy politics of the Balkans. ….
Thus, a great deal of the support for a continuing US role comes not from the hard right, but from the “military humanitarian” centre-left-right, with Hillary Clinton applauding the move, and the entry of a new nation (Kosova) into the “Euro-Atlantic” community. McCain had beaten her to the punch, coming out in favour of Kosovan independence about a fortnight ago. Indeed McCain has gone further. In 2006 he travelled to South Ossetia, a breakaway province of Georgia, which is claiming independence with Russian backing, and gave his support to their aspirations to be independent or part of Russia.
Such shenanigans are based on a cartoonish view of the US as a defender of freedom and self-determination, but they are also bizarrely time-shifted – a relic of that very short period between the USSR break-up and the rise of China and Russia in the last few years, when it could be believed that the American titan could simply stoop to conquer and ‘put the world to rights’ – ie assemble little fiefdoms in strategically important positions, such as Kurdistan or ‘Israel the second’, as some Turks call it.
By Betsy on Feb 19, 2008 12:11 am |
sleep well madmom
By Sharonlee on Feb 19, 2008 12:15 am |
madmommy said
Good night and have fun on the field trip.
By Tengrain on Feb 19, 2008 12:16 am |
When I was a mere tot, I was cast as Winthrop in my local high school’s production of The Music Man. I practiced and practiced all summer had it down perfect. I even developed a realistic stammer that was, well, too cute for words.
And then my voice changed.
My singing days are over, but at least once upon a time, I had it.
Michelle, not so much.
Regards,
Tengrain
By Liss on Feb 19, 2008 12:21 am |
Good evening, anyone that’s around. As usual, I’m a little late to the party.
By Valley Girl on Feb 19, 2008 12:24 am |
TRex- I sent you various communiques this eve.
Totally OT from present post. But, I need your help.
I am teaching a Freshman Seminar. One of the top 4 topics that students identified as important vis a vis science in the present and future was AIDs/ STDs.
We are using FB to discuss things in class.
One student (part of the AIDs/ STDs group) posted these links (along with a lot of good info, btw). But I really didn’t know what to make of the YouTube links. The last one seemed particularly offensive. Am I missing something?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4Vndg-xbLs0
http://youtube.com/watch?v=WeHeSY0BppI
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZKCCM1fiKLg
By Liss on Feb 19, 2008 12:25 am |
Oh, jeebus. I gave in and listened. ::sniff:: She ruined one of my favorite songs ever.
By Sharonlee on Feb 19, 2008 12:26 am |
Liss said
Welcome to the party. You should have taken the warnings. TRex listens to this stuff so we don’t have to.
By Liss on Feb 19, 2008 12:28 am |
Sharonlee said
So sad. I shall listen in the future. ^_^ Maybe.
::turns on Five for Fighting::
By Persiflage on Feb 19, 2008 12:29 am |
Tengrain said
At least you had your glory days. I, on the other hand, was told to mime when I was in the school choir. And I did. Of course, I mimed a completely different song.
By Sharonlee on Feb 19, 2008 12:32 am |
Persi–”At least you had your glory days. I, on the other hand, was told to mime when I was in the school choir. And I did. Of course, I mimed a completely different song.”
LOL. What surprises me is that you made it into the school choir at all if your talent was so bad. I was asked to not join the church choir.
By Persiflage on Feb 19, 2008 12:38 am |
Sharonlee said
I had no choice, it was all of the senior class in the choir and we had to take part. Worse, we had to sing an absolutely awful song, written by some fine burgher of the parish, as the school anthem. I can still remember the first couple of line, which might give you some idea of the quality of the whole thing
(clears throat)
“In serried ranks before thee
Dear school to thee we bow”
Fortunately, the remaining lyrics have escaped me.
By Sharonlee on Feb 19, 2008 12:44 am |
Persiflage said
I remember in my 8th grade class for graduation we had to sing Somewhere over the rainbow and someday my prince will come.
By sangemon on Feb 19, 2008 12:44 am |
Oh gawd, I can’t.stop.laughing.
Waiter! Bring me water!
By TRex on Feb 19, 2008 12:44 am |
Liss said
This is a parody of another song? God, she can’t even come up with her own melody and chords?
Pathetic.
What’s the original song?
By TRex on Feb 19, 2008 12:47 am |
Uh, VG, my only expertise with regards to STD’s, really, is how not to get them (use a condom!).
The only thing I find offensive about that third clip is that it’s so amateurishly edited.
By Persiflage on Feb 19, 2008 12:48 am |
Sharonlee : I remember in my 8th grade class for graduation we had to sing Somewhere over the rainbow and someday my prince will come.
————————
So basically you had to sing ‘I want to be somewhere else waiting around for a guy’
Not the most uplifting choices, really.
By LibertyLover on Feb 19, 2008 12:52 am |
HILLARY is 3000x the woman that Malkin is and has accomplished more in her lifetime than Malkin EVER will. Malkin forgets that she stands on the shoulders of ALL the women before her that blazed a trail for Malkin to spew her vile. She actually owes Ms. Clinton a DEBT of gratitude for breaking barriers that Malkin could only dream of opening with her anchor-baby status.
I’m not particularly a Hillary fan, and Malkin should just STFU already.
By Sharonlee on Feb 19, 2008 12:54 am |
Persiflage said
You’re right but it was the 1950s don’t you know.
By preznit giv me turkee on Feb 19, 2008 12:55 am |
sounds like someone sampled fingernails on a chalkboard and it’s the default on her effects box
By TRex on Feb 19, 2008 12:57 am |
I’m not particularly a Hillary fan, and Malkin should just STFU already.
Okay, easy, easy. Deep breaths. It’s okay. You’re having exactly the reaction La MalKKKin wants you to have. Stop and think about what you’re actually hearing. If anything, this video is a boon to the Clinton campaign.
By TRex on Feb 19, 2008 12:58 am |
preznit giv me turkee said
I know. Somewhere Yoko Ono is hugely annoyed that someone is actually trying to beat her at her own game.
By Sharonlee on Feb 19, 2008 1:01 am |
Glad you had a good weekend, T. When will you be posting your songs to erase the memory of Malkin?
Time to turn into a pumpkin. Goodnight, all.
By peanutbutter on Feb 19, 2008 1:01 am |
So not clicking on that. Meh.
By Liss on Feb 19, 2008 1:04 am |
TRex said
No, she can’t.
The original song is Superman (It’s Not Easy) by Five for Fighting and I love it.
By Betsy on Feb 19, 2008 1:05 am |
night sharonlee
By Persiflage on Feb 19, 2008 1:06 am |
Sharonlee said
Then it was completely appropriate for the times. Not long after I was told to mime I read in a music magazine that a singer I admired (Janis Joplin maybe) hadn’t been allowed in the school choir. Secretly, I nurtured the idea that I too had a fabulous voice that was just too brilliant for mere nuns to perceive. Of course, I was wrong. I still sound like 2 cheesegraters mating in a tin drum.
By petedownunder on Feb 19, 2008 1:20 am |
Persi - I know the feeling. I have a reasonable singing voice, but sadly any relationship between the note intended and the pitch actually achieved is pure coincidence. I can make those with perfect pitch weep in agony.
By aliasofwestgate on Feb 19, 2008 1:20 am |
I stopped 25 seconds in. The flat tones. *cringes* I’m way out of practice as a vocalist myself, but my relative pitch is still spot on. UGH. The song was always fairly good, she just ruined the danged thing. Total destruction of a halfway decent melody!
I’m clearing my aural ‘palate’ with this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzEnvEe6CTA
The Pillows–Nonfiction *headbangs* Japanese guitar pop geniuses i’ve seen live in concert. *sighs happily at the memory of 2005’s Anime Central* And they are SPOT on as good live as they are in the studio. Masters of the melody hook–even if you don’t know the language.
*starts chairdancing*
By punaise on Feb 19, 2008 1:26 am |
MalKKKin’s a singer, like I’m frickin’ Baron Davis at the Y.
(yes, my basketball skills are cringe-inducing)
By Betsy on Feb 19, 2008 1:31 am |
good night all
By TRex on Feb 19, 2008 1:32 am |
Fresh thread:
http://www.iamtrex.com/?p=365
By Persiflage on Feb 19, 2008 1:33 am |
petedownunder said
The phrase “couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket” sums my singing voice up perfectly. Luckily, the entire family are awful singers. It would be worse if my sisters sang like angels while I sound like a frog with adenoids. Still, in the car by myself, I love to sing along with the radio.
By Valley Girl on Feb 19, 2008 1:42 am |
TRex said
Okay, thanks. It just seemed to me to be making light, and I didn’t get the joke.
By The Crapture on Feb 20, 2008 3:21 pm |
ow…that “voice” …i think my spleen just tore itself loose and retreated into my colon
By na on Feb 20, 2008 3:29 pm |
I used to visit hotair.com and michellemalkin.com regularly because I like to be informed on both sides. However as time passed both sites turned into “hit” pieces on the opposition. It is exactly this type of blog that turns me off to the right. Look at hotair.com or michellemalkin.com at the moment, they do not promote their own candidates, instead they try to create controversy against the opposition. FUD.
Now take a look at dailykos. While there’s one article on Bushs approval rating (or lackthereof), all the other articles promote the Dems or their candidates. Much less aggressive.
By BCPipes on Feb 20, 2008 3:39 pm |
I have 2 words for you, Michelle: Anechoic Tile
By Sharoney on Feb 20, 2008 3:58 pm |
“Pox News.”
I like that. I really like that.
Michelle “Insane Woman” Mangalangadingdong, not so much.
Maybe her local ambulance team can give her a second job as a siren. I know I’d sure as hell get out of her way if I heard that behind me.
By slippytoad on Feb 20, 2008 4:08 pm |
I think in order to sing, one must possess a soul. That excludes Malkin.
By Petro on Feb 20, 2008 5:08 pm |
Damn. I was sure I could sit through the whole thing.
But I couldn’t.
By t4toby on Feb 20, 2008 5:08 pm |
Dammit, TRex!
I made it just 42 seconds. It is an affront to every human who has ever lifted their voice in song.
By dmd on Feb 20, 2008 5:19 pm |
I made it through “2 girls 1 cup” (for the love of all that is good and right in this world, don’t search for this if you haven’t already seen it). I could not make it through Ms. Malkin’s “song”.
By GG on Feb 20, 2008 6:25 pm |
I’d pay money to watch Simon Cowell react to her singing. No doubt he’d hold his hands over his ears and cry out loudly “STOP! You sound like a cat in heat!”. Sad, really pitiful.
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