How the Bastards Do It
Bosom buddy of this blog and eternally patient receiver of frantic late night TRex phone calls litbrit sent this lovely item along from Clownhall.
The Townhall interns working hard
and annoying the post officeThe Townhall interns get the pleasure of unpacking, stuffing, stamping and mailing the books that new subscribers get. The Sarah Palin books arrived this week and the interns have been working hard to keep up with demand all week.
I thought you’d get a kick out of seeing today’s pile of books the Townhall interns have until 4pm to pack up and get to the post office - which isn’t always happy to see us coming with 3,000 conservative books to mail.
Just in case you were wondering how wee fascist pinheads like The White Witch, Michelle MalKKKin, and the Doughy Pantload can lodge their overwrought, underthought, illiterate horse-chokers in the throat of the NY Times Bestseller List, this is it. These “books” are not “bought” by “people” in any sense that you or I would recognize, oh no.
They are bought by the flat by the folks at Clownhall and the Conservative Book of the Month Club and handed out free with other weekly or monthly steaming piles of dung that arrive in your mailbox alongside the Weekly Standard and the National Review and other money-hemorrhaging conservative bog-rolls. When people talk about “wingnut welfare”, this is exactly what they mean.
I’ve got relatives, you know, that “read” that stuff, and I’m sure I’ll see some copies of Goin’ Rogue on their bookshelves over the holidays (”Don’t you think books are so decorative?“), and I guarantee you this. When I pick them up and open them, their spines will make that “crack!” sound that means they’ve never been opened.
These books are more tribal tokens to be displayed, prompts for conversations that will go exactly like this:
A. That Sarah Palin, she’s somethin’, id’n she?
B. Yep, she’s somethin’. Ah like her. She speaks her mind.
A. Mm-hm. Stands up for what she believes.
B. This country could use a few more like her, that’s for sure.
A. Mmm-hm.
And that’ll be it.
But anyway, it’s just like I said over there a long time ago about Ann Coulter’s Godless:
I wonder if she even realizes how many people who buy her books never actually read them. Crown might as well be shipping book-shaped boxes of sawdust. Of course, if you’ve read one of Ann’s books, you realize that they aren’t actually meant for reading. The pages might as well just say, “All work and no play makes Ann a dull girl” over and over and over.
You know, Gin and Tacos has a bang-up review of Goin’ Rogue that you should read if you haven’t already hit it.
Millions of copies will be sold of a book written by someone who can’t write, intended for an audience that doesn’t read, about the thoughts of a person who doesn’t think. God is dead.
My favorite paragraph of the review is this one, though:
If you are in a hurry, here is the succinct version of this review: Going Rogue is shit. It is groundbreaking in its banality and disregard for facts. If you are sentient, it will pain you to read it. Imagine watching your parents 69 one another while John Madden sits behind you and bellows out color commentary and you will have some idea of how excruciating and profoundly scarring it is to plow through each page of this wholly fictional monument to self-aggrandized mediocrity. Going Rogue is to the art of writing what the Holocaust is to the concept of a just God; the piece of disconfirming evidence so overwhelming that we are left questioning whether it can exist at all.
Now that’s damn fine writing. I am grateful, even, to Sarah Palin for writing a book so thunderously bad as to inspire it. Up, up he goes on the blog roll! G-I-N-A-N-D-T-A-C-O-S. Saaaa-LUTE!
32 Responses to “How the Bastards Do It”
By newdealfarmgrrrlll on Nov 21, 2009 1:06 am |
i’ve noticed that people who proudly display books like this generally don’t understand words of more than two syllables. So if it’s incomprehensible drivel & dreck, they think it’s “smart stuff!”
By darkblack on Nov 21, 2009 3:01 am |
I’d rather catch a relative porking a hole in the knotty pine wall of the outdoor privy than reading Going Rogue, but of course my kin have progressed beyond their rural ways and would never peruse the autohagiography of such a gubernatorial gonif where good folk could see them doing so.
;>)
By An Angry Old Broad on Nov 21, 2009 9:04 am |
Dude! Glad to see you writing again.
I grew up with two Palin wannabees,my mom and sister. I know who she is,I knew it from the second she opened her trap to speak. She’s small,petty,vindictive and delights in making the people around her feel small and stupid. She does all that convinced that Jesus Is On Her Side(according to “her bible”,a phrase my mom uses that drives me nuts). She’s got grudges that go back decades,if there’s a chance to settle those,then she’ll do that,no matter the consequences or who gets hurt as a result.
Every woman with any dignity or self respect has to cringe when that woman shows her face in public. Gah! I could rant for a week,she’s horrendous.
By Ken Mosher on Nov 21, 2009 9:29 am |
Can’t wait to get my free firewood!
By Laur on Nov 21, 2009 9:33 am |
I too have noticed toxic people like Palin–I like them to howler monkeys who make Dana Carvey’s Church Lady look SANE by comparison–they’re constantly stirring the sh*t and fomenting hatred and hysteria among the determinedly ignorant.
I’m glad that she’s also alienated some of them by her ditching about 300 of them on her booksigning stop @ a Borders in Noblesville, IN. I saw some of the comments these people made, and they’re really pissed at her.
Hopefully, they won’t be so disillusioned that they’ll be attracted to someone even worse.
By litbrit on Nov 21, 2009 11:06 am |
So many households all getting their second book!
I’m hoping for a Tiny Fey reappearance on SNL. I remember her saying she was counting on the voters to make sure she’d never have to play that woman again. Well, the voters did their bit, but said That Woman won’t go away, sadly.
Still, you are absolutely right: it’s terribly amusing sport having her around still. I mean, few things are more schadenfreudelicious than watching the mouth-breathers fall over themselves to get arm-bands and wait in the cold rain for the chance to meet a narcissist who doesn’t give two miniature rats’ asses about them.
That Rumpoast bit you pointed me to is hilarious, TRex. My sides ache this morning!
By DonD on Nov 21, 2009 12:00 pm |
Damn. And you liberal losers accuse conservatives of hate…
Your comments are vile, as is your language. But that’s typical of people who can’t think.
I think Obozo is a complete disaster, but wouldn’t say about him the things you say about other people.
Lots of these books go unread - but then lots of any book sold go unread. Or you could compare with books unread AND unsold, like Nancy Pelosi’s.
By the way, ‘Trex’ is a fake board made of plastic. How appropriate.
By brel1 on Nov 21, 2009 12:13 pm |
Trex!!!! I can’t tell you how many times (everyday) I have clicked on your bookmark to see if you were posting until I finally gave up. Then today I see you on Crooks&liars and I ran as fast as my mouse would carry me to see and surely you are blogging again and so glad to have you back.!!!!
By brel1 on Nov 21, 2009 12:17 pm |
I mean TRex. That AH troll above threw me off.
By litbrit on Nov 21, 2009 2:26 pm |
By the way, ‘Trex’ is a fake board made of plastic. How appropriate.
No, DonD, but you were kind of close–well, in the vocabulary neighborhood, anyway. TRex has washboard abs that can’t be bought for love or plastic. He’s very, very real, and he’s back.
Also, he revels in being inappropriate, so there. Also.
By Mackeran on Nov 21, 2009 4:10 pm |
I read a few topics. I respect your work and added blog to favorites.
By darkblack on Nov 21, 2009 4:32 pm |
DonD said
And you are now proof of the accusation you referenced. Thank you for providing it for all to see.
;>)
By e on Nov 21, 2009 5:35 pm |
wooohoooo!
Hey la, hey la, my TRex is back.
And after I’d gone and deleted you from my bookmarks cuz those Russian trolls were creeping me out so much.
Glad to see you returned from extinction, t-pod. I’ll spread the word over at Balloon Juice, which is the coolest blog EVAH.
Er, since May, that is.
By M. Bouffant on Nov 21, 2009 5:38 pm |
I thought you’d get a kick out of seeing today’s pile of books the Townhall interns have until 4pm to pack up and get to the post office - which isn’t always happy to see us coming with 3,000 conservative books to mail.
“Oh, look, we are pissing off the libs at the Postal Service w/ our conservative book. Mission Accomplished!!”
By e on Nov 21, 2009 5:49 pm |
DonD said
oh fuck off, you nasty troll. We’re celebrating here.
By LibertyLover on Nov 21, 2009 5:49 pm |
TRex! Wow! I was a little shaky climbing up to the tree-house, I wasn’t sure that the rope ladder would hold it’s been so long. But I’m sure glad that you are back! I’ll bring cookies and milk next time, for sure.
Welcome back.
By LibertyLover on Nov 21, 2009 5:52 pm |
“Millions of copies will be sold of a book written by someone who can’t write, intended for an audience that doesn’t read, about the thoughts of a person who doesn’t think. God is dead.”
Priceless.
I have a question though, is the “millions” like the “thousands” at conservative 9/12 and other teabagger “rallies”?
By TRex on Nov 21, 2009 6:18 pm |
DonD said
Good sir, I do thank you for coming by and showing us once again that conservatives have nothing to reinforce their overheated rhetoric except some half-cooked posturing about “language”. Yes, I may throw around some swear words, but you and your kind are racist, ignorant, paranoid, violent reactionaries who don’t have two brain cells to rub together. I may be profane, but you sir, are obscene.
God, it’s going to take weeks to get that smell out of here. Someone call Housekeeping and tell them to bring the extra big can of Troll-B-Gone.
By mommybrain on Nov 21, 2009 9:57 pm |
Oh, there you are. Hi. I see the trolls have followed you home.
Christmas at the in-laws is about evenly divided between wingnut and reasonable people. “Santa” is the wingnut I fear the most. He stares at us California liberals like we were in the zoo. Every once in a while he taunts us with some lame talking point.
He’s so creepy and horny, I don’t know how he gets hired as Santa every year except that he is so perfectly round, pink and white. He squicks the kids out and has more than his share of hysterical screamers on his lap
Can’t wait for this year. They are Texans, through and through.
By Sharonlee on Nov 21, 2009 10:05 pm |
e said
e, it is also good to see you back in fine form. Not only have I missed TRex, but I have also missed those who have frequented his threads.
Great gift for the holidays.
By e on Nov 21, 2009 11:03 pm |
hey Sharonlee! Good to see you too.
Now if more of the old gang shows up……and we are not abandoned to the Cyrillic alphabet again for months on end, AHEM……we’ll have us a par-tay here in the old Treehouse.
By newdealfarmgrrrlll on Nov 21, 2009 11:21 pm |
e! sharonlee! par-tay!
By grs on Nov 22, 2009 1:56 am |
grs said
I thought businesses liked having business? And how would the post office know what’s inside the packages? And why the insinuation that postal employees would dislike right wing pablum? Quick to judge. Morans.
By An Angry Old Broad on Nov 22, 2009 6:48 am |
I thought you’d get a kick out of seeing today’s pile of books the Townhall interns have until 4pm to pack up and get to the post office - which isn’t always happy to see us coming with 3,000 books to mail.
grs said: I thought businesses liked having business? And how would the post office know what’s inside the packages? And why the insinuation that postal employees would dislike right wing pablum? Quick to judge. Morans.
Hey,Wingnut,that was the Townhall people who said that. You know,the conservative website? Heard of ‘em? They would be the morans,tee hee.
By shorething on Nov 22, 2009 6:53 am |
i am conservative have read all ann’s books twice am now a quarter into sarah’s and will do as i do each and every month donate it to my local library once i finish. my ex thinks i’m crazy because i am on a limited (not fixed as seniors were programed to say) income. every month one or two conservative best sellers that will be readand appreciated by others. you must be confusing us with the idiots that decorate their coffee tables with liberal dribble
By TheDieHard on Nov 22, 2009 8:50 am |
“shorething” didn’t have to explain that he’s brain-dead — he proved it within one word. Can’t read, can’t spell, wouldn’t know a fact if it dropped on him like an anvil. But hey, if the idiots actually spend their “limited income” on “Propaganda for Morons,” at least they’re paying taxes.
By distributorcap on Nov 22, 2009 10:04 am |
the rex is back!
you forgot one very important thing about Going Rogue. at 432 pages think of how green that is - that is 432 pieces of dogshit that can be picked up, saving all those nasty non-biodegradable plastic bags.
sarah is a hero to enviromentalists!
(actually just the mentalists)
By connecticut man1 on Nov 22, 2009 10:15 am |
Rumor has it that the co-author wrote the half with the lines and Sarah Palin wrote the half between the lines. Those blank spaces between the lines reflect her true thoughts. /snark
By TRex on Nov 22, 2009 10:16 am |
shorething said
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your pre-frontal cortex.
By LibertyLover on Nov 22, 2009 10:16 am |
distributorcap said
That’s quite a lot of dog doo! But technically speaking, unless the book pages are only printed on one side of the page, then actual pieces of dog excrement that would be able to be picked up might only be half of 432… just an observation.
By TRex on Nov 22, 2009 10:31 am |
Sunday open thread with Etta James:
http://www.iamtrex.com/?p=2571
By grs on Nov 22, 2009 1:10 pm |
An Angry Old Broad said
Yes, I understood the Townhall my statement. My questions were rhetorically posted for the Townhall folks.