I Dream of Dumbassery
You know, every now and then I feel the need to sit down and make a list of things I’m grateful for. Zoloft, caller ID, and flat-front trousers rank very high on the list, but generally somewhere in the top 10, I find it in my heart to thank god for Kathryn Jean Lopez. Yes, I am actually grateful for the woman who is arguably the worst writer at America’s Shittiest Website, the National Review Online.
For you see, now that Michelle MalKKKin has jumped every shark in the tank and been sent back to Germantown with her tail between her legs, Ann Coulter has disappeared into some windowless crack den in south Florida, and Melanie Morgan has gotten herself banned from every talk show on TV, where oh where is a hard-edged liberal satirist like myself to turn for large, unfiltered doses of Wingnut Wackiness? For example, it’s a quarter after ten p.m. eastern time. I need to have a post up by 11pm.
Where can I turn to for something to roundly mock? Where can I find something so blazingly inane that the post will practically write itself?
I can always find it at K-Lo’s place. She’s like a drive-thru for Teh Stoopid, the Internet’s own In-and-Out Burger of inanity. Let’s see what our girl is up to this evening, shall we?
Uh-oh. She’s attempting to express herself with regards to her distaste for Hillary. Don’t you expect this to be a deeply nuanced policy analysis of the flaws in Hillary’s health care plan and her promises of “green-collar jobs” to help save the environment? Ha!
Ready?
The White House Is No House for a Woman [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
This should be good. First come some poll numbers from the LA Times.
But the CNN poll today shows that 72% of whites and 61% of blacks believe the country is ready for a black president. That’s up from 65% and 54%, respectively, two years ago. (Both polls have a margin of error of +/-4.5%.)
But asked if the country is ready for a female president, blacks and whites both are in agreement; they’re less sure — only 63% of both whites and blacks answer yes. That’s up slightly (from 58%) for whites but down among blacks from 67% since December, 2006.
Interestingly, men and women remain in agreement on this issue, too. In 2006, 60% of both genders said yes and this time it’s 65% female and 64% male.
Hmmmm. What could this mean? What biases towards women does it expose in us as a nation? What does it mean with regards to American attitudes toward race and gender? What, indeed?
K-Lo just knows we can’t have a woman president because it hasn’t worked on the TeeVee:
My explanation: Years of ridiculous efforts to portray female presidents in American pop culture that bombed. There have been bad Lifetime movies (that was redundant, wasn’t it?). There was Commander-in-Chief with Geena Davis. There have been whiny women and Barbie dolls. I don’t want a female president either. She’d be whiny and annoying and the embodiment of identity politics (as I said, whiny and annoying) — if some of the pop culture examples are any indication. I’m surprised, frankly it is as high as it is. But people lie.
And there you have it. Kathryn, honey, we need to talk. You’re giving solipsism a bad name. The things you see on television? They’re not real. They’re made up. There’s actors and scripts and cameras and shit.
God, I feel like Father Ted trying to explain perspective to Dougal, the really dumb priest. You know the scene?
Father Ted: Now concentrate this time, Dougal. These
[he points to some plastic cows on the table]
Father Ted: are very small; those
[pointing at some cows out of the window]
Father Ted: are far away…
Uh, yeah.
Next week, expect a long, sanctimonious essay from K-Lo chiding Larry Hagman for spending a large chunk of the 60’s in an out-of-wedlock, live-in relationship with a magic floozy who lived in a bottle. Yay, National Review! America’s longest-running continual stream of facile bullshit since 1955. What would I do without you?
110 Responses to “I Dream of Dumbassery”
By Cassie on Jan 22, 2008 11:02 pm |
hi TRex!!!!!!!
By Cassie on Jan 22, 2008 11:03 pm |
I think the country is ready for a smart president who cares about people!
By Mary McCurnin on Jan 22, 2008 11:07 pm |
That would be Edwards, Cassie. Maybe.
By TRex on Jan 22, 2008 11:08 pm |
Cassie said
That would be new and exciting, wouldn’t it?
By LoudounLib on Jan 22, 2008 11:09 pm |
Hi T, loving the WUGA sound tonight.
By Persiflage on Jan 22, 2008 11:10 pm |
And I continue my perfect record of being the first post on the old thread just after TRex tells us that there’s a new thread.
By Cassie on Jan 22, 2008 11:10 pm |
Cassie has a new post up. 6 comments already!
8th graders and abortion
By LoudounLib on Jan 22, 2008 11:11 pm |
K-Lo really needs to get a grip!!
By TRex on Jan 22, 2008 11:14 pm |
LoudounLib said
On something besides her Hello Kitty vibrator.
By Cassie on Jan 22, 2008 11:14 pm |
Persiflage said
so should we call the EPU the Persi?
By madmommy on Jan 22, 2008 11:15 pm |
Hmmm…63% of people think the USA is ready for a female President. That is a bit bigger number than the shrub “won” the last election by, and he told us it was a mandate. I would go over to that site and point this out to her, but then I’d have to undergo a lobotomy afterward just to purge my brain of what I would find there.
I am thankful that there are brave and hardy souls such as our very own theropod who will go there and report back for us lesser mortals.
By burnspbesq on Jan 22, 2008 11:15 pm |
Speaking of abortion, winger heads are exploding tonight, all the way from Minnesota to Arkansas.
The Eighth Circuit issued an opinion today ordering the Missouri prison system to provide transportation and security escorts for pregnant inmates who wish to have abortions.
By LoudounLib on Jan 22, 2008 11:15 pm |
TRex said
Hee
By Persiflage on Jan 22, 2008 11:17 pm |
Oh I’m such a feckin eejit for Father Ted, I just loved that show. It is, of course, indicative of the lives and adventures of each and every real Irish priest. Nah, if that were true, I’d still be Catholic.
By Sharonlee on Jan 22, 2008 11:19 pm |
Cassie said
Cassie, I saw it earlier this evening and thought your take on the issue was good. Too bad the girls in the story probably will have no contact with your blog.
By LoudounLib on Jan 22, 2008 11:20 pm |
Persi, I was awfully sad to hear the news about Heath Ledger today
He was from Perth, if I recall correctly?
By Persiflage on Jan 22, 2008 11:21 pm |
Cassie said
Oh to achieve such a level of blogospheric fame as EPU. As we’re in TRex’s TReehouse, perhaps it should be the TReEPU.
By Sharonlee on Jan 22, 2008 11:21 pm |
burnspbesq said
Speaking of Missouri, its right-wing governor announced this afternoon that he will not seek reelection. Surprise since he has been raising a lot of money.
By TRex on Jan 22, 2008 11:28 pm |
I was and am very sad about Heath Ledger.
Even I Can Has Cheezburger has posted a tribute:
http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/01/22/brokbak-kittehs-says-fanks-for-teh-memories/
By madmommy on Jan 22, 2008 11:28 pm |
Sharonlee said
Angling for higher office perchance?
By Persiflage on Jan 22, 2008 11:29 pm |
LoudounLib said
Yes he was. I loved the story, a few years ago, of how he let his little sister take him to her school for show and tell. I bet her classmates couldn’t top that.
I’m sad for his family, as I am for any family struck by sudden, violent death. The press frenzy about his death, as with Anna Nicole Smith, is just crazy.
By LoudounLib on Jan 22, 2008 11:31 pm |
Persiflage said
I haven’t dug around much in the online press, but since he passed in NYC it will indeed be white-hot coverage.
By Sharonlee on Jan 22, 2008 11:36 pm |
MM–”Angling for higher office perchance?”
He issued a televised “Press release” saying he had accomplished all he set out to do.
He has also been facing questions about his office policy on deleting e-mails and such.
He would have a rough time getting a victory if he ran again.
By madmommy on Jan 22, 2008 11:38 pm |
Sharonlee said
Well. Then he’ll be “spending more time with his family”.
By Sharonlee on Jan 22, 2008 11:38 pm |
madmommy said
That’s assuming the family wants him.
By madmommy on Jan 22, 2008 11:40 pm |
Sharonlee-so far very few of those who have used that old chestnut have actually gone home to the family. For which their family is eternally grateful, I’m sure.
By Sharonlee on Jan 22, 2008 11:40 pm |
Back to K-Lo. With her understanding of percentages and numbers, she will probably turn her talents to solving the economic mess next.
By Persiflage on Jan 22, 2008 11:41 pm |
Sharonlee said
In that case, we’s all rooned.
By burnspbesq on Jan 22, 2008 11:43 pm |
Dang, I had forgotten how much I like the Dvorak “American” quartet.
By LoudounLib on Jan 22, 2008 11:44 pm |
Sharonlee said
How can I move my funds to a Swiss bank account? /s
By Sharonlee on Jan 22, 2008 11:47 pm |
LoudounLib said
Don’t think you can anymore. Isn’t that against the Patriot’s Act? And surely someone who at one time knew a terrorist lives in Switzerland so you would be aiding and abetting. And it would be an act of disrespect for Bush 43 if you don’t have faith in his country. “g”
By madmommy on Jan 22, 2008 11:48 pm |
Sharonlee said
And you should just stop worrying your pretty little head and go shopping!
By TRex on Jan 22, 2008 11:49 pm |
And you should just stop worrying your pretty little head and go shopping!
Oh, yay!
*claps tiny forelimbs in delight*
I LOVE shopping!
By burnspbesq on Jan 22, 2008 11:50 pm |
An act of disrespect for Bush 43? Where do I sign up?
And Swiss bank accounts are so last quarter. If you really want to impress your friends and neighbors, you need a Liechtenstein anstalt.
By LoudounLib on Jan 22, 2008 11:50 pm |
Srsly, I’m looking for ways to “recession-proof” my 457 account. Or at least protect it a bit from the economic slings and arrows to come. We have our deferred comp. representative coming by our workplace on Friday to help us out in that regard.
By Persiflage on Jan 22, 2008 11:51 pm |
LoudounLib said
Maybe it’s just here but it’s the top story in most papers I’ve looked at. A suicidal actor tops a moribund economy every time.
By LoudounLib on Jan 22, 2008 11:52 pm |
burns, Liechtenstein’ll work too. We got our statements in the mail over the weekend, and I was all “oy…..”
By madmommy on Jan 22, 2008 11:54 pm |
LoudounLib said
My tiny little 401k dropped almost a grand in a couple of days. Since it was tiny to begin with, let’s just say I’m feeling the pinch.
By LoudounLib on Jan 22, 2008 11:55 pm |
madmommy said
Things is bad all over, financially
I empathize!
By Persiflage on Jan 22, 2008 11:56 pm |
And just to make the world a happier place, there’s now reports of film of Amy Winehouse smoking crack here
By Sharonlee on Jan 22, 2008 11:56 pm |
LoudounLib said
That’s above my pay grade. I was shocked when my boss told me I had the highest return on the 401k accounts in my office last year. It was just luck. I transferred out of a fund as rates were tanking. I know that’s against dollar averaging but if funds drop enough, the average of 0 is 0.
By madmommy on Jan 22, 2008 11:59 pm |
Edwards is coming up on Letterman in a minute. No spoilers, I promise.
By Sharonlee on Jan 23, 2008 12:00 am |
Persiflage–”Maybe it’s just here but it’s the top story in most papers I’ve looked at. A suicidal actor tops a moribund economy every time.”
I saw a bit of Anderson Cooper 360 tonight. He played the story pretty straight and low key. Talked about accidental death.
I believe he is especially sensitive because of his brother’s death.
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:00 am |
Persiflage said
The article says she smoked crack about 5 hours prior to attending her hubby’s court appearance. That would explain her appearance in that picture we saw last night.
Would someone pleeeeze get Amy admitted to Betty Ford, or something?
By madmommy on Jan 23, 2008 12:02 am |
Sharonlee said
Judging from what I’ve seen today the press has got it mostly wrong from the get-go. They said he was in one of the Olsen twin’s apartment, not so. There were lots of drugs in the room, turns out some but Rx not illegal. A rush to get a story out without waiting for facts, it seems.
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:07 am |
John Edwards is on Letterman right now!!
By burnspbesq on Jan 23, 2008 12:07 am |
LoudounLib said
I’ve sorta lucked into a pretty effectively hedged position. My 40(k) is in an S&P 500 index fund, and my rollover IRA is in a long-term bond fund. They normally move in opposite directions, but so far this year the bond fund is up more than the S&P is down. By a lot. Might not be right for you, but worth discussing with your rep.
By TRex on Jan 23, 2008 12:08 am |
Persiflage said
I saw that. The sad part is I remember feeling like that, pacing from room to room running my mouth uncontrollably, brains twitching in my head like a pithed toad, adding drugs on top of drugs on top of drugs chasing that elusive euphoria of the Perfect Buzz to the point that you finally just knock yourself out from toxicity.
God, I hope she gets help. Fucking Virgos, man. Stubborn about all the wrong shit every time.
Alright, I’m headed home. See you kids in a bit.
By Persiflage on Jan 23, 2008 12:09 am |
LoudounLib said
They tried to make her go to rehab, she said no,no,no. They should try harder.
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:09 am |
Have a good ride home, T.
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:10 am |
Persi, I’m thinking intervention (IANAP — I am not a psychologist)
By madmommy on Jan 23, 2008 12:11 am |
Edwards rocks. But will the news be that he is not wearing an American flag lapel pin on his suit? Instead he has what looks like a silver circle. Any ideas on the significance?
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:13 am |
burnspbesq said
burns, thanks — I’ll make a note of that. I’ve got 5 years to go until I retire from the county, and even though this account isn’t my primary source of retirement bucks (thankfully we have the fire dept. retirement going for us), I still want to avoid taking too many more hits.
By madmommy on Jan 23, 2008 12:13 am |
Off to bed, good night ya’ll!
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:14 am |
MM, I loved it when Dave messed up his hair
And no idea on the silver circle pin, but it’s a nice look.
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:14 am |
g’night MM, sweet dreams
By Betsy on Jan 23, 2008 12:15 am |
Evening rexxies. Hey T.
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:16 am |
Hey Betsy
By Persiflage on Jan 23, 2008 12:16 am |
TRex said
At least nobody filmed you at the time, not the nicest home movie to show the kids, providing she lives long enough to have any. She sure looks like the crisis point is coming and Ms Winehouse and Rock Bottom are on a collision course.
By Persiflage on Jan 23, 2008 12:19 am |
Hi Betsy, how ya doin?
By Betsy on Jan 23, 2008 12:22 am |
Persiflage said
Had a pretty painful day, but doing much better now. Much as I hate the meds, they do work.
By Persiflage on Jan 23, 2008 12:22 am |
LL, we now get Letterman the night after you see it. I’ll make a point to watch it tonight. How I’d love it if, while Clinton and Obama are duking it out they each needed the other’s supporters to win the nomination, nobody’s supporters will budge and Edwards emerges as the compromise candidate both sides can support. Sigh. A girl can dream can’t she.
By Sharonlee on Jan 23, 2008 12:24 am |
Just discovered something interesting.
I was typing an e-mail to John Edwards and used the name “Obama.” The spell check on Outlook Express wanted to change it to “Osama.” Has Microsoft been infiltrated?
By Persiflage on Jan 23, 2008 12:25 am |
Betsy said
I’m sorry to hear it was a bad day. At least some relief is available, even if you’d prefer not to use it. Is the new bed helping?
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:26 am |
((( Betsy ))) glad you’re feeling better tonight.
Persi, I’m with you — I fervently hope that Edwards is able to turn the tide and show America that he is above the sniping going on between Clinton and Obama, thereby winning the nomination.
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:27 am |
sharonlee, that is very odd!
By Betsy on Jan 23, 2008 12:27 am |
Sharonlee YIKES!
Persi, the bed was no help last night, but I also kept postponing taking darvocet. Tonight I will take it when I am ready to sleep.
By Persiflage on Jan 23, 2008 12:29 am |
Sharonlee said
Interesting, it doesn’t happen in the Australian version of Microsoft. The alternative I’m offered is “Obalan” whatever that is.
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:30 am |
Whenever I type Obama here (using Firefox) the word is underlined in red.
By Betsy on Jan 23, 2008 12:31 am |
Firefox offered me “Alabama”
MS Word offered me “Bema”
By burnspbesq on Jan 23, 2008 12:32 am |
OK, that settles it.
This is the world’s best salty snack.
Even better than Boardwalk Fries with Old Bay seasoning.
By Betsy on Jan 23, 2008 12:32 am |
LoudounLib said
right click or ctrl click (on a mac) and see what choices it offers.
By Betsy on Jan 23, 2008 12:33 am |
burnspbesq said
yum!
By Sharonlee on Jan 23, 2008 12:33 am |
LoudounLib said
I tried it in Word. It underlines it in red indicating a misspelling. Osama is one of the choices for correction.
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:34 am |
burnspbesq said
Yummy! But burns…you’ve presumably been to Ocean City MD…better than Thrasher’s Fries on the beach?
By Tengrain on Jan 23, 2008 12:36 am |
…K-Lo, giving solipsism a bad name, since 1955.
This could be a tag-line for K-Lo’s brand, TRex. She ought to pay you for the marketing.
(Oh, but the snark of the “Hello Kitty” vibrator was truly inspired! I’m still snickering.)
Regards,
Tengrain
By Persiflage on Jan 23, 2008 12:38 am |
The bed, while comfy and supportive, is just furniture Betsy. What don’t you like about taking the meds? Side-effects?
By burnspbesq on Jan 23, 2008 12:40 am |
LoudounLib said
I actually have never been “down ne o-shun,” as they say in Bawlmer. My Bawlmer friends were more likely to go someplace like Tilghman Island to eat crabs and drink beer while listening to the O’s game.
I’ve never been much of a beach guy, except in my late 20s when I used to go to Belmar to play volleyball a lot. Give me mountains, or a good bike and 50 miles of road with no traffic, and I’m much happier.
By Felix Moronia on Jan 23, 2008 12:41 am |
burns you are so right about Tim’s. I ate plenty of them in Seattle but they are not available here in SW CO so I don’t eat chips. What can you do?
By Betsy on Jan 23, 2008 12:42 am |
Persiflage said
Mostly side effects. Also, I wanted to go to the office today. And I wanted to make sure I was awake when my son got up this morning.
By Sharonlee on Jan 23, 2008 12:43 am |
Felix Moronia said
Order on-line.
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:45 am |
burns, even though you’re not a beach guy — sometime you need to go “down ne o-shun” just for the ticky-tackiness of it. And of course, the fries. Then you can say you have really lived
By burnspbesq on Jan 23, 2008 12:48 am |
LoudounLib said
Belmar and Point Pleasant are tacky enough. Right, Betsy?
By Felix Moronia on Jan 23, 2008 12:49 am |
Sharonlee that would work. I also have a bro in Rain City who would surely ship some to me if I were really jonesing. Fortunately I’m not a big snack eater except for chocolate!
By Betsy on Jan 23, 2008 12:50 am |
burnspbesq said
We went to Wildwood Crest a lot as a kid.
By Sharonlee on Jan 23, 2008 12:51 am |
Felix Moronia said
I am sitting here craving some Carrot Cake cheesecake from Junior’s. Haven’t hit the add to cart button yet.
By Persiflage on Jan 23, 2008 12:52 am |
Betsy said
So, it works too well and leaves you too sleepy in the mornings?
By Nyoka, junglegirl (formerly nanz) on Jan 23, 2008 12:52 am |
Sharonlee, my spell check offered the same correction. That is odd.
Will watch Letterman tonight, maybe won’t fall asleep before Edwards arrives.
This has been a day with a lot of unpleasantness hasn’t it? Tomorrow will have to be better.
Back to the lurk.
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 12:54 am |
burns, one more OC vignette and I’m done. The last time I was there, about 3 years ago, a friend and I were cruising the boardwalk; there was a street musician there, playing the blues on guitar. He was playing “Love In Vain” as we were walking by. My friend, who is a total music freak, said something like “wow, he does a better Robert Johnson than Eric Clapton”.
Ok, I guess you had to be there
By Liss on Jan 23, 2008 12:55 am |
TRex said
Dang. I resemble that remark. :p
By Persiflage on Jan 23, 2008 1:02 am |
LoudounLib said
Back to politics for a sec. Stranger things have happened. GroupA has a big chunk of support but not big enough to win. The same for GroupB. Group A supporters can’t stand Group B and vice versa. They’d rather give birth to a chair than change their support to the ‘enemy’. The only solution is to find someone that both camps can live with. It’s happened in the past so cross your fingers and say your prayers, there’s still time for things to turn around.
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 1:02 am |
Time for me to make the climb down from the TReehouse and get to bed. Good night friends
By newdealfarmgrrrlll on Jan 23, 2008 1:02 am |
TRex said
i beg your pardon, young man! Other signs are just jealous because us Virgos are always right, if too modest.
Hmpfft! My oldest daughter (Cancer) just strolled by, looked at TRex’s comment, thought a moment and said, “umm, not every time.” Ungrateful whelp.
So how’s everyone? Missed all ya rexxies.
By Persiflage on Jan 23, 2008 1:03 am |
Good night LL. Sleep well.
By Betsy on Jan 23, 2008 1:05 am |
night LL.
hi ndfg
By LoudounLib on Jan 23, 2008 1:05 am |
Hey ((( ndfg ))) glad I saw you as I was making the trek down the TReehouse ladder. Hope you are well! Catch you around here soon again
By TRex on Jan 23, 2008 1:06 am |
Fresh thread!
http://www.iamtrex.com/?p=219
By Redshift on Jan 23, 2008 1:07 am |
LoudounLib said
Mmmm, hot out of the fryer with plenty of salt and vinegar, yum!
By Redshift on Jan 23, 2008 1:09 am |
newdealfarmgrrrlll said
Whatever you guys decide, it’s fine with me.
— Libra
By Barbara Ross on Jan 23, 2008 1:09 am |
Went to school with a lot of kids for Tilgman Island. Go there every June and to the alumni banquet in St. Michaels. Lived on the eastern shore for about 20 years and crabbed right off our back yard.
By preznit giv me turkee on Jan 23, 2008 1:10 am |
Speaking of Missouri, its right-wing governor announced this afternoon that he will not seek reelection. Surprise since he has been raising a lot of money.
Angling for higher office perchance?
IIRC, election funds can also be used for lawyering up if indicted [see DeLay, Tom et al]
By Redshift on Jan 23, 2008 1:12 am |
preznit giv me turkee said
That’s true for federal election funds; state election funds would be governed by state law. What the answer is for Missouri, I have no idea.
By peanutbutter on Jan 23, 2008 2:47 am |
Persiflage said
Oh, my. Does that make us TReepers?
By oceanbreeze on Jan 23, 2008 7:28 am |
“The things you see on television? They’re not real. They’re made up. There’s actors and scripts and cameras and shit”.
Your posts always make me laugh TRex, but this line made me laugh out loud. Ain’t it the truth! They. just. don’t. get. it.
Its unfortunate they never have any facts to work with.
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