Things That Make You Dumber Just by Knowing Them
I hate that I know that Spencer and Heidi got married. Information like this is to knowledge what dark matter is to matter, what black holes are to light. By entering my mind, it actually makes me more stupid. It occupies neural space that could be occupied by something useful. How to start a fire in a driving rain with nothing but a hubcap and a handful of dryer lint. How to make flan. Something, anything.
But what I resent even more is that I know exactly where the fault-lines are in their relationship and that I think Spencer’s taking a lot of pills. I know these things but even I had to shield my eyes and look away from the death-ray of mind-melting, IQ-lowering anti-thought that was reading their wedding vows. And then I read them anyway.
Heidi: From the moment I met you, I knew I wanted to marry you. I never knew love existed like this. You have opened my eyes and shown me a new world. Every moment with you is magical and amazing. You are truly my prince charming and dream guy. I love you with all my heart and soul and promise to be the best wife to you every day for the rest of our lives. I can’t wait to see what life brings us. I will always be by your side!
Media, you’re fired. Give me back my mind.
14 Responses to “Things That Make You Dumber Just by Knowing Them”
By punaise on Nov 25, 2008 2:26 am |
Media, you’re fired. Give me back my mind.
Pen, elope.
You cannot unweave the shrouded tale that has been woven.
By Petedownunder on Nov 25, 2008 4:08 am |
I am pleased to report I have no idea who these people are, and even after reading the article linked to I still have no clue. Does being clueless mean I’m smarter? I suspect Us Weekly is where neurons go to die. The equivalent mag here is called New Idea, which must win some award for most oxymoronic title ever.
The main difference as best I can tell from the most casual inspection is that the difference bewteen Australian celeb mags and those from the US are that here in Oz all candid photos show the subject holding a drink.
By Corvus on Nov 25, 2008 4:33 am |
Pete,
Just run while you still can. Don’t try to understand, just get OUT!
By MR Bill on Nov 25, 2008 6:38 am |
I, too, have no idea who these folks are.
And I have decided to remain ignorant after 3 seconds on the link above…
But I am increasingly finding the ‘newsy-news’ is about people who I don’t have a clew about..
I can, however, always rely on the Media to give me Michael Jackson at some point when I’m not able to screen him out.
At least we haven’t had the corpse of Anna Nichole thrown at us lately.
By Petedownunder on Nov 25, 2008 6:44 am |
Corvus said
I’m outta here….
By Ripley on Nov 25, 2008 12:24 pm |
Count me as part of the great unknowing and uncaring.
Although, I will suggest an alternate title:
The Hills Have I Do’s
Ha! You can’t unknow that, either, TRex! Or did someone already come up with that one?
By spinkbottle on Nov 25, 2008 12:53 pm |
All I know about them I learned from Joel McHale, namely that Heidi is a vapid dingbat and Spencer has a creepy flesh-colored beard.
By Scout on Nov 25, 2008 1:20 pm |
I don’t know who they are either. I’m so proud of myself.
By e on Nov 25, 2008 3:13 pm |
um….American Idol?
that has come to symbolize the enormous gaping black hole of information that I lack in comparison to my kids.
By TRex on Nov 25, 2008 3:44 pm |
Fresh thread:
http://www.iamtrex.com/?p=2046
By Valley Girl on Nov 25, 2008 6:40 pm |
Oh, the thread has moved on, and I am just catching up.
But, LOL, TRex:
“How to start a fire in a driving rain with nothing but a hubcap and a handful of dryer lint.”
Brilliant.
By Димон on Jan 20, 2009 4:35 am |
Не знал, спасибо за инфу
By Казаночка on Mar 2, 2009 6:29 pm |
Вы уверены?
By офисная мягкая мебель on Mar 10, 2009 7:13 pm |
Вы уверены?